I am living my dream life, but it's much harder than I thought.
From the time I was a little girl I always dreamed of being a mom. I would have a bunch of little ones all in a row. Others could dream of whatever they wanted, but the little ones were my dream. I imagined 10-12 of my own.
To be honest, I never saw how much work little ones actually were. My youngest sibling (and I am the oldest of us four) was born when I was six so I didn't see or remember my mom's challenges in the little years. We sometimes babysat for others for a couple of hours, but that time was just wonderful for me. Babies and little ones have always made me happy.
Now that I have my own four, ages seven and under, I understand why people say they are done. I used to not understand how anyone could get to that point. Now I no longer judge someone who says that.
Motherhood can be totally overwhelming sometimes. A couple of years ago I found the movie Mom's Night Out. It totally resonated with me. I remember the mom in the story saying something along the lines of that she always wanted to be a mom, but now that she was living her dream life, she wasn't enjoying it anymore. I felt that all the way.
Probably parts of life end up being harder for everyone than they had imagined, whether they are a mom, or living any other life they would have thought was their "dream life." Life just is not easy. Sure there are beautiful days. Sure there is lots of fun and joy in motherhood and life in general. But there are also days so hard it is almost impossible to find the silver lining, in anyone's life.
My dream continues to be to have a bunch of little ones, but it is more balanced by reality. Motherhood can be REALLY HARD sometimes. There have been times when I have most certainly been ready to say I am done. But as time goes by, things got a bit easier again, and then I realized I just might want another baby after all. (Of course, this all has always been decided between me and my husband, and anyone else may decide however they wish.)
It helps to realize that seasons come and go. Hard and joy are mixed through my days. Sometimes I laugh at my children's antics. Other days I cry over the simplest things and feel like I will never get this mom thing right. It's okay to enjoy the good, acknowledge the hard parts of my "dream life," and remember that it won't always be like this.
So yes, I am living my dream life. It is full of baby smiles, beautiful moments, squished bouquets, "I love yous," and all the fun things of having children. It also has the hard parts of pregnancy and labor, tiredness, messed up hormones, squabbles to settle, and exhaustion some days. Even though I see that now, I wouldn't want it any other way. I am grateful for the opportunity to live my dream life, even though it looks quite a bit different than what I imagined it would look like in my dreams years ago.
Bring on the beautiful, and the hard. I'll take the package.
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How to Survive the Littles Years
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Encouraging Bible Verses For Moms